Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
