Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
