I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
