I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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