I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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