You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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