then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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