woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
