and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
