life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize