Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
