My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
