He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
