I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
