do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
