exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
