Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
