You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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