there was a trapeze. enough said
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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