Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
