i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
