can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
