it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize