How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
