come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
