You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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