I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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