I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
