I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Randomize
