'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
