you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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