It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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