he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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