i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have already put on my inside pants.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
