Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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