how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize