The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
