she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
