She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
