You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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