i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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