I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
