you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
