I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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