A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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