Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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