The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
