dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
