I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
