I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
