last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
