I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
