The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
