I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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