I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
