I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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