I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
