Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
