Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
