just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
