STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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