She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found your dick twin last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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