Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
