Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
