none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
