All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
