he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
