Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
