my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
