Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
