Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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