have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
