I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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