these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
